My son is lazy and always waits for the last minute for everything. It makes me crazy! Somehow he still gets ok grades, but it’s always stressful and last minute. What can I do about it?!?
Kids, (and adults), procrastinate for many different reasons. It may seem like laziness, but the explanation is actually a little more complicated than just a lack of motivation. Let’s say little Jimmy has been assigned a five paragraph essay for his English class, 20 problems for his Algebra class, and has a document for school mom or dad needs to sign. A lot of things can happen between getting those assignments and turning in the finished product. Here’s a list of possibilities:
Gifted but Bored
Jimmy may be intellectually more than up to the task. In fact, if he’s been getting straight A’s his whole life while doing everything last minute, there’s a good chance that his procrastination stems from difficulty tolerating boredom. Some kids have no problem sitting down and blasting through easy math homework. For others, doing something they already know how to do that is repetitive and therefore unstimulating feels like water boarding – slow, torturous, and intensely painful. If someone asked you to volunteer for a 30 minute torture session, how likely would you be to jump to the head of the line?
Often, this kind of intolerance of boredom is a subset of a larger picture of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). ADHD isn’t really an attention difficulty – in fact, folks with ADHD often have no problem hyperfocusing on subjects or tasks they enjoy. Rather, it is an inhibition difficulty – having a harder time than others inhibiting the urge to do something more interesting instead of sitting still and working on a task that is boring.
Gifted but Anxious
In another version of this story, your child could be more than capable of the task (again – he or she has been getting good grades), but has a lot of fear and doubt about their abilities, or perhaps a strong urge for everything to be perfect.
If that’s the case, they may be procrastinating because sitting down to work is very anxiety provoking, and the longer they put it off the worse the anxiety gets! But once they hit full panic, they shoot into overdrive and get it done.
Anxious and Bored
Some kids hate being bored so much, that having to do something boring causes anxiety all by itself! They worry about how uncomfortable they will be doing a boring task, and therefore put it off or rush through it just to get it done.
Learning Differences
In yet another version of this situation, little Jimmy may have a learning difference. Maybe their executive functioning isn’t quite where it needs to be, and they have a hard time estimating time needed or organizing themselves to do the task.
Perhaps when they look at the math problems, the numbers are flipped around – a condition called discalculia – or maybe when they try to read the letters appear backwards to them – a condition called dyslexia.
Finally, their processing speed may be slower than their other cognitive skills, so while they can understand complicated concepts it takes them a longer time to process the information, making homework arduous and painful.
How to Help Kids Who Procrastinate
If your child is having a hard time getting their schoolwork done on time, there are ways to help.
1. Start with the assumption that he or she wants to do well!
In general, kids crave approval and positive attention. If they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing, it’s probably because something is getting in their way.
2. Talk to them.
Find a time when things are calm – NOT when there is homework due – and try to understand why they procrastinate. Work to be nonjudgemental and supportive, and see if you can problem solve together.
3. If talking to your child hasn’t really done the trick, it might be time to talk to a professional.
Meeting with a child psychologist is a good first step to assessing what’s going on. After that, a neuropsychological evaluation may be needed to assess your child’s cognitive, academic, and emotional functioning and get a thorough picture of their strengths and weaknesses so they can get the help they need to reach their full potential in life.
At Gordon Therapy Group we start by figuring out the underlying reasons for your child’s procrastination. Together, we can help them address whatever is getting in the way of them being their best selves, leading to greater academic success and reduced stress for the entire family.