Here are some of the things that basically everyone writing about mental health says, and which I have also probably told my patients:
Stay on a schedule.
Structure your day.
Always get dressed for work.
Go for walks outside when you can.
Stay in the moment.
Why does it all sound so simplistic? Do you ever feel annoyed at these tiny responses to a major catastrophic change in your life? I do. I spent some time looking at webinars and blogs, trying to find “the answer” – maybe there’s something I’m missing? Some brilliant therapeutic move I haven’t thought of? Then I realized – nope. I’m not missing it. The answers are that simple – and also that deep.
“Deep? Staying on a schedule is deep?!?” you say, slightly pissed off at this blog post. Yes, I say back – because it is a reflection of an underlying principle that drives many of the principles of healthy emotional functioning.
The only thing we can control is ourselves. We can’t control the pandemic. We don’t get to say who lives and who dies. But we can choose what we do, physically, within our limits, each day. Sometimes, that means crying – grieving the sudden loss of a loved one, or the loss of normal life. Sometimes that means cooking a simple dinner that brings you physical pleasure. Sometimes it may mean going out for a walk – or not, if the walk outdoors makes you more fearful and sad, instead of less. Maybe it means sharing food or money with someone who has less than you. The options may not always be great, but, no matter what, we get to choose our actions.
In this moment, where so little is in our control, those small choices can be the difference between coping and falling apart each day. So, get dressed, keep to a structure, call a friend, call a therapist, cry when you need to, take a shower, take a deep breathe – and every day control what you can, until you can cope with the things that you can’t.