It can be hard to be a kid. Kids have to follow adult directions all day—clean their rooms, put on their shoes, and turn off the video game! Imagine being a kid and having a few minutes a day when your parents followed your lead. That sounds pretty special.
When parents come to us with difficulty with their children following directions, we often start by prescribing “special time.” Special time is five minutes a day when the child is in charge. If your child is in a magnate phase, you join them in playing magnate for these five minutes. So how do we ensure that this time is special?
- Show your child that you are paying attention. One way to do this is to act like a sportscaster and narrate what your child is doing: “You’re putting the red and yellow tile together. Now you’re making a house.” This shows your child that the focus is fully on them. Additionally, parent narration can improve concentration for children who are hyperactive and struggle to focus.
- Tell your child what they are doing well. When parents praise their children, they feel proud of themselves. Praise should be specific so the child knows exactly what they did well: “You are sharing your magnatiles so well,” instead of “Nice job.” The more specific description shows your child that you are proud of their sharing skills and increases the likelihood that they will repeat the desired behavior.
- Refrain from asking questions or telling your child what to do. Questions take control of the conversation and play, and it’s special when the child is in the driver’s seat. Stop yourself from saying, “Please hand me that block,” or “What are you building?”
It can be hard to believe, but special time has decreased acting-out behaviors, increased children’s confidence, and improved the relationship between parents and children. Five minutes a day can make such a positive difference. During parent training, we coach parents to help them practice these special time skills.
To learn more about PCIT or start your journey with us, please contact us at info@gordontherapygroup.com or (917) 972-5671. Let us help you make lasting, positive changes in your family’s life.