It can be hard to be a kid. Kids have to follow adult directions all day long – clean your room, put on your shoes, turn off the video game! Imagine that you were a kid and you had a few minutes a day where your parents followed your lead. Sounds pretty special.
When parents come to us and are having difficulty with their children following directions, we often start with prescribing “special time.” Special time is five minutes a day when the child is in charge. If your child is in a magnatiles phase, you join them in playing magnatiles for these five minutes. So how do we ensure that this time is special?
- Show your child that you are paying attention. One way that this can be accomplished is acting like a sports-caster and narrating what your child is doing. “You’re putting the red and yellow tile together. Now you’re making a house”. This shows your child that the focus is fully on them. Additionally, for children who are hyperactive and struggle to focus, parent narration can improve their concentration.
- Tell your child what they are doing well. When parents provide praise, children feel proud of themselves. Praise should be specific, so that the child knows exactly what they did well: “You are sharing your magnatiles so well,” instead of “Nice job.” The more specific description shows your child that you are proud of their sharing skills and increases the likelihood that they will repeat the desired behavior.
- Refrain from asking questions or telling your child what to do. Questions take control of the conversation and play, and special time is when the child is in the driver’s seat. Try and stop yourself from saying “please hand me that block” or “what are you building?”
It can be hard to believe, but special time has been proven to decrease acting out behaviors, increase children’s confidence, and make both parent and child feel better about their relationship. Five minutes a day can make such a positive difference. During parent training, we provide coaching to parents to guide them in practicing these special time skills.