Two friends, we’ll call them Sally and Jane, go on a roller coaster. Both feel their hearts race, their breath catch, as the car slowly climbs to the top of a huge drop. Sally smiles as her body reacts, breathing in a big breath of cold air as the car hits the top and hurtles down the slope. She puts her hands up in the air and laughs, yelling loudly as the ride plunges down and her adrenalin surges. Jane, sitting next to her, does something different. As she feels the car climb and her heart start to race, she clenches her muscles tight, her eyes close, she barely breathes, and as the car plunges downward she grips the seat with hard, white knuckles on the bar in front, screaming with fear. When they get off the roller coaster, they speak at the same time; Jane says “let’s go again!” and Sally says “I want to go home!”
Why are their reactions so different? Same ride, same heart-racing, breath-catching experience, but a totally different outcome. There are a lot of ways to answer, including both genetics and previous experiences, but for today let’s focus on an idea we’ll call “white knuckling.” White knuckling is when a person approaches a potentially scary experience with a tense body – gripping their hands together until the knuckles show – and tries their best to resist the feeling of fear. They don’t like it when their heart races, and their stomach drops, so they clench up and try to push the feeling away like Sally does. Jane, on the other hand, had the same physiological experience as Sally, but she doesn’t try to avoid it. Her body is relaxed and smiling as her stomach plunges with the ride and her heart beats faster. In CBT your therapist will encourage you to face fears, and they will probably also tell you that you can’t be brave if you’re not afraid. Doing scary things gets easier with practice – unless you “white knuckle,” trying to do the action without feeling the experience. So, whether it is a roller coaster, touching something that has germs on it, or raising your hand to talk in class, you need to take a deep breath, relax your muscles, and enjoy the ride as your heart races, your stomach drops, and you feel your fear with bravery.