- Deep Breathing
While it might have been nice to catch up with work colleagues, friends, and family during the holidays, group interactions such as holiday parties and family dinners can be stressful. As you return to school or work, it may feel intimidating to openly try and cope with anxiety while socializing in public. If you struggle with shyness or social anxiety, here are three coping strategies that can be used subtly, and in the moment.
Many people experience difficulty breathing when they feel anxious. Your heart rate may speed up, and your breath can feel rapid and shallow. Learning to take deep breaths helps lower your heart rate and minimize physiological symptoms of anxiety. Briefly step out of the room to utilize this skill. It will take an average of 3-5 minutes.
The key is to have slow, controlled deep breaths. Try placing one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest, and breathe in until the hand on your stomach rises. When taking a deep breath, you are trying to breathe into your diaphragm, not your chest. For relaxed, controlled breathing, inhale for 5 seconds, pause for 2 seconds, then exhale for 7 seconds. Continue this pattern, counting slowly as you go for approximately 3-5 minutes. Practice this skill throughout your week to increase your confidence and the effectiveness of this skill.
- Muscle Relaxation
Most of our symptoms of anxiety are signs that our fight or flight response has been activated. One way to regain control of this system is to slowly tense and then relax each muscle in our bodies. This exercise can provide an immediate feeling of relaxation and it is best to do it frequently to gain confidence. This exercise can be done for the full body or just specific body regions and can be done in a sitting or lying down position. For a subtle technique that will not be noticed at a social event, focus on areas of your body that can be hidden under a table, such as your arms, legs, and feet.
For optimal effect, take a deep breath and tense the muscles in any single body part until you can’t tense it further without strain. For example, clench your fist and arm muscles like you are trying to squeeze the juice from a lemon, hold the tension for 5 seconds, then release as you breathe in and exhale, focusing on the feelings of relaxation. You can repeat this skill as often as you need to reduce anxiety.
- Adjust Your Thinking Patterns
Anxiety is typically accompanied with negative thoughts about ourselves or the future. However, these negative thoughts are subjective and it can be helpful to re-examine the events before us to see if there are alternative ways to look at things.
Common negative thoughts may be:
“Everyone is judging how much I’m eating”
“I do not know what to say. I’m going to say something stupid”
“Nobody wants to talk to me”
Try this Instead:
Focus on the physical words people say, not what you think they may be saying. Use only objective events that others could witness as evidence for, or against, your negative thoughts.
Think about the statistical probability that a feared outcome will occur. For example, how often have people actually commented at parties on how much you were eating? Have you ever thought badly about someone else’s eating? If you have said stupid things in the past, how much did it matter? Do your friends actually remember or pay attention to any mistakes you’ve made? How often do you remember when someone else is quiet, or says something imperfectly? Chances are, reality is a lot more forgiving than the critical voice in your head.
Try asking yourself what you would say to your best friend if you knew they were experiencing such self-critical thoughts. We often judge ourselves more harshly than we do others, and a little kindness can go a long way.
You deserve to be kind to yourself. See if you can talk to yourself like you would to your best friend, then re-engage with the people around you and see how it feels. One step at a time, you can start to participate in and enjoy social events.